-- In, priscilla7120@a... wrote:

 > But slowly, gradually over the last 6 year period during my transition, with hormones, and all of my other struggles. I have noticed that I have began to be attracted to certain males. In a sexual way too. Now,     for now I pray to God that I do not impulsively or otherwise act on these attractions. I am married to my third wife and I am still very much in love with her. She is my soulmate. 

Yes, exactly.  I'm glad you brought this up.  I've been wanting to write up - well, more of my opinions, which seems to be my prescription for everything.  But I'm going to put it all in one place at one time.  I'd like to call it a Monosexual's Manifesto but that term has already been taken - see

 I know we groupmembers don't agree on a lot about "homosexuality" - heh, I know it better than anybody, I'm the one who struggles to keep the argument from exploding - but I hope that I can I can distill out some important stuff that we can all (or almost all) agree on. 

There are six billion people on this earth who I'm not going to have sex with; three billion of them happen to be male, the other three billion aren't.  Also, most of them are right-handed but some are left-handed.  So what? 

I've never had sex with a Jamaican-American electrician named Nadine, a unicycling champion named Edward, a neurotic ferret breeder from Omaha, or an entire rugby team.  So many possibilities I'm missing out on!

 I have chosen, instead, to pursue the endless adventure of lifelong committed love.  There are always other possibilities - of course! - but they would not be part of lifelong love; they would be dross, a pale mockery of the blessing of the love I enjoy now, and worse, they would tarnish that joy. 

 I think that, because our society is obsessively arguing over "homosexuality", people can freak out and abandon common sense when faced with a temptation from the sex not expected.  If people call it a "homosexual" fantasy they may imbue it with incredible power, and live in fear and horror and anguish that they could have such a temptation.  Or they decide that it's not like other temptations, it is uniquely impossible to resist and means something about their identity that "compels" them to violate their marriage. 

Or they do one first, then the other - and I'm afraid that mysticizing a "homosexual" attraction and putting it in its own special category contributes to the idea that it is almighty and irresistible.  (And the converse is true - for a transgendered person, feeling "heterosexual" attraction might seem to be something new that throws out everything they know about faithfulness.)

 But underneath all the hoopla, there's a basic fact - it's a fantasy about someone you're not married to.  That's all.  It happens.  Big whoop.  The answer is "no".  The end.  There is nothing special about this.  Choosing to remain sexually faithful is a basic part of marriage.  When we have thoughts that go outside our marriage, we don't act on them.  We avoid giving them room to grow in our minds.  I like St. Augustine's comment - we can't keep birds from flying overhead, but we can keep them from making a nest in our hair.   

If we find our married sex life unsatisfying, we work on improving it - maybe, if our spouse is comfortable with it, we play around with elements from both our fantasies - while still remembering that there's a lot more to love than just trying to achieve a really

exciting orgasm.  We don't run around frantically trying to find satisfaction in some yet-untried category of partner, afraid that we might miss out on something special in another kind of coupling.  Rather, we go on expressing our sexuality through lifelong love and it becomes a holy joy.  What makes sex special is love: God-style love, "I will never leave you nor forsake you" love.

 Now, what's really neat is that this relatively uncontroversial idea is all I actually need to make decisions in my life.  I can still go out and meet another Christian and debate abstract theories about the rightness of "homosexuality" with them from morning to night, but at the end of the day we both go home to our spouses.  Most of you on this list are likewise already married, so I strongly suggest that, whatever your abstract beliefs are, you don't get distracted from this straightforward principle when you make your own decisions.

 Christ's peace,

- Jade  

Last modified: 12/24/13