“Stuck” in Time? 
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“Stuck” in Time? 

“She” walked out of the dressing room, 4 ½” heels tapping across the floor as she approached the living room where I sat. Her smile was ear to ear as she pranced into the room wearing a skirt that, even standing, was “barely decent.” A low-cut peasant blouse exposed a wee bit of cleavage she had been able to “fabricate” with adhesive tape. Long golden hoops tinkled as she turned her head my direction. Her eyes shown like beacons of warmth under the bright blue coloring she had liberally applied to her eyelids. And all I could do was silently say, “Bleh!”   

I hear it repeatedly...wives complaining about their CDing husband’s propensity for lots of blue eye shadow, mini skirts, and a teen-age model “look.” And these are normally accepting wives. But they all concur that this behavior is common! Why could that be? If, as we have been told, he wants to emulate us, and none of us are exhibiting that choice of appearance, what is driving the desire to look “slutty?” Why is this such a common thread in our community? I have a theory...unproven, but interesting for discussion. 

With a preponderance of CD’s in their mid 50’s and up...many only just at this time in life coming “out of the closet”, what makes them “think” that this is the “image” they want to portray? Why would anyone want to look like she just stepped out of a 25 to 35 year old catalog? Because that was the “look,” the girls had when they were just entering puberty and becoming totally aware of what the “girls” were wearing. The image they seek to re-create is the image that remains in the subconscious of the “girl within” who has never “grown up.” She has been hidden under layers and layers of rejection, secrecy, and attempts to “deny her existence.” But under it all, she is still the 13-year-old girl who has never had a chance to “grow up.” She is literally “stuck in time.”

To test this theory, I looked to slightly older CDs and what their “ultimate” role models were. Not surprisingly, when asking men in their 70’s, it was June Cleaver, Donna Reed, and Harriet Nelson. In those days, the media did not really allow young girls to become young woman role models. The most attractive, sensual women in early TV days were the wives...who, by the way, only slept in twin beds! But even doing laundry...and with 50’s equipment, they were dressed in starched and ironed dresses, with make-up, stylish hairdos, and heels. Every young girl’s role model became every young Cder’s role model, too! 

And why, if this is true for them, is it not true for the wives? The wives grew up with the same role models...why are they not emulating them? Simply, because we have had to deal with “acknowledging” the changes in our bodies and life styles since we were in our teens and early twenties. We have undergone weight fluctuations, career, or home demands, and fashion “availability.” We have felt the need to “conform” to our peers over the last 30, 40, or 50 years. However, “she” is still living with the same repressed feelings and role models she has had since she was young. Just now, she is finally getting the opportunity to express all that has remained “stuck in time.”

Carol Leigh

This is one I wanted to comment on. There are factors involved above and beyond just “stuck in time”. One of the areas of interest for me has been why T*’s “have to wear that”. Quite frankly there may with some be a biological need to wear something tight (related to aspergers). There is also with many of us the “I do not get to do this often and I jolly well am GOING to make the best of it”. With time to “be” some of the sharp edges are worn off a bit. I liken it to the first efforts by a young girl with makeup and clothing. Our “second selves” seldom have much time to develop a more mature style and taste.




Last modified: 12/24/13