Redneck Crossdresser if
Home Up

 

  You just might be a Redneck Crossdresser if...

 1. You chew tobacco. (Chewing is OK, but don't spit, nice girls swallow)

 2. You wear a dress that's strapless and a bra that ain't.

 3. You wear combat boots with a minidress.

 4. You wear jeans with a belt buckle that's bigger than your fist.

 5. You have a Ford F150 pick-up truck, with a gun rack, a Dale Earnhardt   license plate frame, and a Confederate flag on the tailgate, next to the bumper sticker that says "I sell Avon Skin-So-Soft"

 6. You try to wax your legs with Turtle Wax.

 7. You braid the hair that sticks through your fishnet stockings.

 8. Wear a black John Deere baseball cap with pearls.

 9. You use glitter to highlight your moustache.

10. You wear tube tops with your mini, because it shows off your     Harley-Davidson tattoo.

11. Your favorite band ring came off a cigar.

12. You keep spare ammo in your bra.

13. You get a run in your stockings while changing a tire on your motor home.

14. Your purse is a toolbox.

15. You pluck your eyebrows with a pair of needle nosed pliers.

16. You store your lipsticks in a socket-wrench box.

17. You use duct tape to keep your "tuck" in place.

18. You call your vanity "your work bench."

19. You use a pocketknife to sharpen your lip and eye liners.

20. "Doing your nails" means sorting the ten-pennies from the sixteen-pennies.

21. Your favorite leather skirt was made from the moose you shot last Fall.

22. Your new sandals are made from truck tire re-treads your found on  the road.

23. You keep a spare lipstick in your toolbox.

24. You wear a pair of C-clamps as screw-on earrings.

25. Your best silver necklace is made from beer can pull-tabs.

26. Your nail enamel is made by Rustoleum.

27. You use paint thinner to remove your makeup.

28. Your moisturizer says "non-detergent SAE 10W30" on the container.

29. If you remove your leg hair with duct tape.

30. Your earrings double as fishing lures.

31. Your wig is mounted over the fireplace in your trophy room.

32. Your favorite brand of perfume is "wd40".

33. You aerate the lawn in your 4 T strap spikes.

34. You keep your prosthesis in the refrigerator during the summer to keep cool.

35. Your make up case is a tool box (mine actually is, and I have seen tackle boxes too).

36. You use Duct tape to remove the hair from your back (my roommate at Be All actually does this) Silver Nads!

37.If you buy Milwaukee tools rather than DeWalt so they dont clash with you nail polish

38. If your SO has ever asked to borrow your best Kasper suit for her job interview

39. If your SO has ever asked you for makeup tips.

40. If a cashier has ever told you that you have your boyfriends drivers license.

41. If you drive better in heels than your SO.

42. If you have ever had anyone ask you what perfume you are wearing.

43. If you have ever looked for a cheaper place to get your nails done.

44. If the discount dress store knows you by name (drab or fem).

45 If you get preferred customer advertisements in the mail from womans clothing stores.

46. If you are afraid that the lace on your panties will show through your slacks.

47. If you hope for a cold day so you can wear a camisole under your sweater.

48 If you have tried to convince your SO that wearing pantyhose is better than wearing insulated underwear to work.

49. If you have to try to get rid of a bikini tan line before anyone notices.

50. If you have more colors of nail polish than your SOs manicurist.

51. If you have ever given your SO lessons on how to do her nails better.

52. If all the women in the office are mad at you because you were the only one to get flowers for Valentines Day.

53. If you buy the gallon size of acetone at the hardware store because its cheaper than nail polish remover.

54. If you have ever noticed that more than half of the lingerie drying in the bathroom is yours.

55. If you have ever grabbed a metal file out of your toolbox to file a broken nail.

 

Last modified: 12/24/13