"Just One of the Gals"
By Carol Leigh (wife)
Career-wise, I have always worked with more men than women. I work better with men than women. I enjoy the work I do with male peers more than the work I do with female co-workers. It has always been to my advantage both personally and professionally. However, it means that I have traditionally functioned in workplaces where I am the “odd ‘man’ out.” I have learned to fit in the role with my male counterparts, and yet maintain enough perspective that while they are free to express themselves, I have maintained enough respect from them that they temper their language in that expression.
I frequently tell the story of when I was sitting side by side, tackling a difficult work issue with one of the male engineers with whom I worked. A senior executive walked by and asked, “How’s it going, guys?” He sauntered a few steps further, then quickly returned and apologized to me for referring to me as “one of the guys.” Aghast at his apology, I quickly assured him that that was probably the highest compliment I could have received. That he perceived me, not as a gender identity, but as a member of the team tackling the issue and contributing worthwhile efforts made me absolutely glow inside.
Perhaps you have had a similar experience and know the feeling of acceptance without the stigma of gender identity attached. If so, you have a much deeper appreciation of what our CD others must be seeking. To this day, when I am referred to as “one of the guys,” I swell with the good feelings I have.
Is it then so strange that our guys might want the opportunity to likewise be “one of the gals?” In their mind, what must it be like to walk into a boutique and touch the lingerie without a sense of embarrassment? How would it be to stand at the fragrance counter and lightly spray the sample of the latest designer perfume on the pulse points of our body? What must it feel like to walk around a mall all day in nylons, high heels, and swishing skirts?
In essence, just as I wanted to be “one of the guys,” these guys want to be “one of the gals.” However, as a female, I am more motivated by emotions than physical responses. Not the “he’s” of this world. They are much more motivated by the physical. The touch of silky lingerie, the scent of floral perfumes, the feel of rustling skirts on nylon-ed legs. These are the things that elicit the sense of change and alteration of self. These are the things that the male would respond to in the female world.
Would they really want to live the life of a female? I sincerely doubt it. Put a guy on a job with all women and watch the frustration build at the petty bickering between the women. Just see how long he would last when the workplace discussion and disagreement end and the lingering retaliation goes on for weeks and months. These are the facts of reality. These are the motivations of women driven by emotional needs to survive and succeed in a woman’s world. The male would not find such a world nearly as appealing.
So when your “guy” wants to experience his female side, remember, it is his perception of what would be important if HE were a female. The physical sensations that seem so captivating to him are driven by his internal maleness. On the other hand, we females are not as driven by the physical, but by the emotional. That sense of femaleness cannot come with a change in clothing or scent. He is still locked in the male world where the physical is the greatest motivation.
So understand that if he wants to experience the pleasures of femininity, they are the pleasures as associated by the male. They may not really reflect the female role in society or the emotions with which we live. But they are the closest, and most exotic, of the sensations that trigger physical responses in him.
Just remember, he really is just trying, with limited powers to comprehend, to be “one of the girls.” His depth of understanding of the physical responsiveness to stimulation is much higher than ours. And our response to emotional motivation extends much deeper than his. He just wants to be “one of the girls.”